Change

I guess a lot of women can feel like they’re going crazy when they start perimenopause. I certainly did. I’m sure my whānau didn’t know WTH was going on either.  

It started innocently enough. A meme sent from my darling (with love) but hit me the wrong way. Next thing you know I’m in tears thinking all sorts of negative things about myself – not normal – and convinced my darling thought all sorts of negative things about me too – not normal either! These moments of clouded thoughts and messy and intense emotions really knocked me for a six, and it took an offhand comment from a friend for me to realise it was probably my hormones going haywire.  

On one hand, I was so thankful that there was a possible reason behind the turmoil I was feeling, and on the other, it was so depressing to know that I was just at the beginning of my perimenopause journey. A journey that can take anywhere from 7-10 years. *sigh 

I decided to do what I always do when I’m feeling things intensely - I decided to weave. I wove the kete in Waahi Rua, to represent being separated from a person, place or time (pretty relevant!) and Whakatū to remind myself to stand up and be strong. I used the colour change technique to represent the shifting journey that I am on. I used bands of red and black because they give me strength, and also the red is a little aggressive and I tell you, I can feel quite aggressive sometimes.  

I know that when I'm confused and my feelings are so intense that I feel like I'm going to explode, I can look at this kete and remind myself that I am on a journey. That it’s just the beginning of the next part of my life, it isn’t the end. This kete will remind me that I can do hard things.